I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I cockslap morals
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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