i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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