Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
