This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
