i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
