i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
