On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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