i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
