Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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