I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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