woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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