I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize