batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
