I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
