Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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