and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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