im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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