8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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