Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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