do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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