Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
