I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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