YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
