How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
