I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
