this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
