So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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