I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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