you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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