I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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