I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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