Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
