her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
