well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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