I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
