A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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