I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Vodka?
Forever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
