You're so nebulous sometimes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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