It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
