Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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