We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
