walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
