Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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