that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
