I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Someone signed my nipple.
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