I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
