I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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