Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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