His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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