Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
