Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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