We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
