Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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