Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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