let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got inside last night via doggy door
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
