Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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