Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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