the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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