mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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