You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
