Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
