Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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