It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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