I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
