i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
