I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
