I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
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I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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