WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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