You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
