My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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