We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
