I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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