I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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