What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale