I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low